Wit and Wisdom

As we age, sometimes humor can be the best medicine to lighten the mood and bring a smile to our faces. Puns can be a clever and playful way to play with words and create humor. Here is a delightful collection of senior puns, old age jokes, and senior citizen one-liners to brighten your day, and leave you in stitches. Plus, a bit of “wisdom” quotes. These are just a small sample of the many creative ways that words and humor can be combined to create laughter and a joy for all. Whether you’re a senior yourself or just looking for a fun way to engage with older adults, these puns, one liners and jokes are sure to bring a smile to everyone’s face.

Inspirational Quotes from Famous People:
“Learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself “– Eleanor Roosevelt

“Aging is not ‘lost youth’ but a new stage of opportunity and strength.” – Betty Friedan

“The longer I live, the more beautiful life becomes.” – Frank Lloyd Wright

“In the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.” – Abraham Lincoln

“Count your age by friends, not years. Count your life by smiles, not tears.” – John Lennon

“Aging has a wonderful beauty, and we should have respect for that.” – Eartha Kitt

“Age is just a number. Life and aging are the greatest gifts that we could possibly ever have.” – Cicely Tyson

“The ordinary experiences of aging alter and clarify your view of past, present and future.” – Edith Pearlman

“Aging is just another word for living.” – Cindy Joseph

“Aging is not an option, not for anyone. It is how gracefully we handle the process and how lucky we are, as the process handles us.” – Cindy McDonal

“Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, but beautiful old people are works of art.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

“Some people, no matter how old they get, never lose their beauty – they merely move it from their faces to their hearts”. Martin Burbaum

“April is a promise that May is bound to keep”. ~Hal Borland

“I love spring anywhere, but if I could choose, I would always greet it in a garden”. ~Ruth Stout

“Spring is nature’s way of saying, “Let’s party!” ~ Robin Williams

“Spring makes its own statement, so loud and clear that the gardener seems to be only one of the instruments, not the composer”. ~Geoffrey B. Charlesworth

Jokes & Puns About Getting Older

  • Why do seniors love to take their time doing everything? Because they have all the time in the world.
  • Why do seniors love to eat dinner early? Because they don’t want to miss Jeopardy.
  • Why do seniors love to reminisce about the past? Because it was better than the present.
  • Why do seniors love to wear comfortable clothes? Because they’ve earned the right to be comfortable.
  • Why do some seniors forget things? Because their hard drives are full.
  • What do you call a senior who can’t remember where they parked their car? A victim of carpool tunnel syndrome.
  • Why do seniors hate using computers? Because they often forget their password.
  • At my age, the only pole dancing I do is to hold on to the safety bar in the bathtub.
  • Why is getting older like a library? You have a lot of knowledge, but no one seems interested in checking it out.
  • Why is getting older like a sponge? You soak up a lot of life experience, but eventually, you become too full and start to leak.
  • How are stars like false teeth? They both come out at night!
  • Why is getting older like a houseplant? You need more care and attention than you used to, but you still bring a little bit of life to any room.
  • What goes up but never comes down? Your age!
  • Why is getting older like a GPS? You have a lot of experience and knowledge, but sometimes you take the wrong turn.
  • I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.
  • I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right. I have a lifetime of experience to back me up.
  • I don’t always know what day it is, but at least I know how to laugh about it.
  • Why did the senior citizen bring a ladder to the party? Because they heard the drinks were on the house.
  • I was going to make a joke about aging, but I forget what it was.
  • I’m not old, I’m just chronologically gifted.
  • Why do senior citizens love to garden? Because they have a lot of thyme on their hands.
  • I told my wife I was feeling old, so she gave me a glass of wine and told me to stop whining.

Funny Quotes from Famous People:

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. Will Rogers

The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again. Erma Bombeck

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her. Agatha Christie

Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read. George Burns

I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work…I want to achieve it through not dying. Woody Allen

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of algebra. Will Rogers

I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do. Phyllis Diller

My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping. Rita Rudner

At my age, flowers scare me. George Burns

I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table. Rodney Dangerfield

A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘”At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.” Claude Pepper

You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
Bob Hope

He’s so old that when he orders a three-minute egg, they ask for the money up front. George Burns

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age — as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. Phyllis Diller

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere. Billy Crystal

As a graduate of the Zsa Zsa Gabor School of Creative mathematics, I honestly do not know how old I am. Erma Bombeck

Looking 50 is great if you’re 60. Joan Rivers

One Liners

  • If you want your dreams to come true, you mustn’t oversleep.
  • We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
  • Inside me is a skinny woman trying to get out, but I shut her up with cookies.
  • Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
  • I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.
  • You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
  • To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
  • Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
  • Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
  • Where there’s a will, there are relatives.
  • Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.
  • Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
  • If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
  • Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
  • They begin the evening news with ‘Good Evening,’ then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
  • In filling out an application, where it says, ‘In case of emergency, notify:’ I put ‘DOCTOR.’
  • I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
  • Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
  • A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
  • My Family tree is full of nuts.
  • The older the fiddle, the sweeter the tune.
  • I’m so busy…I don’t know if I found a rope or lost my horse.


Senility Prayer
Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked,
The good fortune to run into the people I do like,
And the eyesight to tell the difference.

Serenity Prayer:
Lord, give me coffee to change the things I can change
And wine to accept the things I can’t.